Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
