I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
