She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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