ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
no, he came in my armpit
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
