I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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