when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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