there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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