i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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