Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
