Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
