Buhtt sex?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
