Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
