Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
