My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
