Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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