I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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