so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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