Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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