Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
