you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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