he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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