There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
