He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
