shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I think I am morally bankrupt
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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