How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
