allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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