When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
