Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
