Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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