I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
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