I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
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She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
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I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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