If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
