not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
