how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
