she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
