I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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