I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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