Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
