i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
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