So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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