His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize