This girl is more easily done than said...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
