The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
