I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
there is puke in my bra ... again
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