I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
