Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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