Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
