I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
