I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
