So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
