Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
