No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
