he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just high enough for therapy.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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