If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
