Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
