Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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