Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
