I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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