She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
