I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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