On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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