just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
