i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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