Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
