WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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