ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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