I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
