new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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