She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
