pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
