You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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