I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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