what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
