What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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