I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think your dad took our porno
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
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