the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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