do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
