i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
