i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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