remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
