This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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