if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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