Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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