life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
