we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
