idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
