is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
