smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
