I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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