Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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