I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
