At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
